sweet revelry, short lived
nothing too much, nothing too less
leaning towards one another until empty
pulses in unison, the ill synchronization
flutters in a instant, riveting away from normal
the melting of colors intensifying, swirling out of control
the most alive I have ever felt, yet hating each minute
all stops-- the senseless life yet lived
fear
Hi Sarah, I liked your poem a lot. dw
ReplyDeleteSarah, I like this poem! My favorite line is "the melting of colors intensifying, swirling out of control." It is such a great line of visualization. I thought it was interesting that you decided to use puncutation but didnt capitalize anything. The only critique I have is to make "the senseless life yet lived" its own line. I dont think you need the "--." I think you use such a creative word choice and I dont think any of this poem at all can be considered cliche. I'm sure this isn't what you intended, but the poem to me is what it would be like to be tripping on drugs because of the line "the most alive I have ever felt, yet hating each mintue." The imagery of all the colors makes me think that too. I think you did a really great job!--SMW
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